This is quite a personal journey and I am intending to write it in as detached and generic manner as possible so that I can myself look back and apply it in other situations in life.
I have read so many times about the mind+body+soul connection. Since I began my inner journey, I have been testing these theories on myself. I use Louise Hay’s ‘causes of symptoms’ to know (one of the Sites: http://alchemyofhealing.com/causes-of-symptoms-according-to-louise-hay/) the meta-level of the problem in the body.
For example in the case of coughs: A desire to bark at the world. “Listen to me!”
One time I might be suppressing the desire to shout out or scream at my workspace, another time at my parents or my partner, siblings, friends or myself! So this broader picture from the website, gives lead to dig into the personal subliminal issue.
Knowing the Why? The cause. Why is something happening in my body or what is making it happen? And with these clues from the mind, body relation I have received an answer from within me always, whether I act on it or not is a different issue, but body does give an answer.
One Saturday evening, I was planning to travel to begin something anew but then everything changed. I was suffering from intense back pain. Seeing me in pain a friend referred me to a local physiotherapist. He asked me many questions in order to try and figure out the trigger of the pain. We discussed all possibilities and then he mentioned stress. I plainly said ‘possible’ but at that point I knew precisely, I had invited all this upon me.
Stress — was I aware of it? Yes and No.
Reflecting on it, I saw there are two culprits. First is ofcourse me or rather the unaware me who let the mind surf the wave of negative thoughts and the other is the ‘outside entity’. By outside entity I mean social conditionings, social norms, societal pressures, well-wishers, family and friends.
I do not blame either of the culprits.
Someone might say or give an opinion, which might be true for them – however their opinion is coming from the same conditioning and they too do not know how to think outside the box. (This video helped a lot to get that insight: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AegLdB7UI4U)
So they might be talking to you out of real concern but they also come from the place where years have gone in gruelling their minds to ‘this is right’ and’ that is wrong’.
If the first culprit had enough strength or awareness; it would have stayed really untouched by the second, when I think of it. However I tell myself that I have just started unlearning the years of learning and realizing there is “no right” and “no wrong”; it just IS and it is also a sadhana to keep reminding that to myself.
When something unexpected hits us, start rolling the dice from square one and get on with the game. Something I have been realizing over and over from the lessons I learn is that, it is not a fresh start – it is like weaving a new thread in the inner circle – so it seems like we are at the starting point but it is a new weave! So it is not a fall, it is in fact a step of progress.
Multiple things including STRESS caused this back ache — because of which I cannot anymore carry out any of my beautifully & mentally laid out plans – instead I am home bound and restricted like never before. I could easily get stressed again for all these obvious ailments and that would bring only more ‘dis-eases’. This vicious cycle or ‘the loop in a loop’ dawned on me and by Grace my mind just started spinning in a positive way (or may be it wasn’t the mind at all, by then the mind was out and something else took over).
The first day I was sad, dejected and had lost faith; well not really as I believe we never completely lose faith, and if we do then we cannot exist. Faith and Hope is what drives us. I started looking within, started looking for the strength inside me. I started being grateful for this time for myself.
I started my exercises and do it regularly and making that my meditation time. I would focus, concentrate and ‘just be’ while I exercised. The more I focused the better I felt, simultaneously I continued physiotherapy as well.
Being an active person, it is quite difficult to box all my vital energy and stay at home all the time.
As I am not yet The Dragon Warrior, I wasn’t finding the inner peace all the time. I saw myself having anger outbursts or frustrations or the ego strongly building up self-destructive thoughts and at those times I would make a self note and get out of the situation.
So here is how I am trying to manage my Sadhana in the midst of my “so called” situation: (I am choosing not to use the word problem – as anything is a problem only if we think it is a problem – otherwise it just is a life lesson or an experience or a situation)
- Meditating as many times (every 1.5hrs I try along with exercises. Some attempts succeed and others fail as mind is also not used to the calmness and peace.)
- Diary writing (this helps a lot; while writing down I feel many parts of me back out and a true voice comes out – sometimes I feel this as a conversation with my soul or with God or with my true inner self, though it is quite a task to be in that inner zone)
- Reading books that shut my mind and touch my soul
- Choosing to meet and talk only to those people that matter
- Self-Observation (what I mean by this is I try and keep a part of me detached and just observe with no judgments, no corrections, no saying this is right or this is wrong nor do this or that. It is quite a task in itself)
- Kicking out any negative thought I catch (this is the toughest one)
- Some mornings I say affirmations. (I am still not sure how this works; but this is just an add on to whatever other physical medication. I feel good and happy after it just like listening to Music, so I do it. )
- Music that grounds me (all of us have some music which just lets us BE and nothing matters at that time)
- Nature. Just getting out of the space and walking outside for fresh air and open feeling.
Now two-three weeks since the unbearable pain, I feel much better and confident that I will be healthy super soon. From where I could not sit up for two minutes – I could sit down to write this article.
Ending this note, hoping all of us find our inner peace through our Sadhana in such a way that nothing outside bothers us anymore.
First I would like to address God and my inhibition to use The Word. In my day-to-day conversations it is so much easier to use the so-called curse words than I would say God. There is ease in using more abstract words like the “universe” or the “heavens” or “events take its course” or “Divine”. For the past months I have been trying to overcome this block and to many levels I have and in many levels I have not.
Recently I have been pondering on WHY is this reluctance. I recognised it has come with a lot of social conditional and religious restraints. I could not contain that GOD prefers me to wear “traditional clothes”; God would punish me for not having ”Good Behaviour”; God is non-accepting and punishing of my “ungodly thoughts” and the list goes on.
As I was reading the first few pages of “Conversations with God” (by Neale Donald Walsch) it suddenly fell on me that He can be just like The Big Friendly Giant (from the Spielberg Movie BFG). Ofcourse he has no rules.
If He is beginning and He is the end as mentioned in Upanishads then “All is He”. Everything is He. He is the Creator.
So what is not HE? Only the fear that “a particular activity is not a Godly activity” which makes it so? As any kind of fear brings in a shrinking feeling it must be so.
So by Letting God, I continue to write this…
Life takes us through different phases; gives us more and more experiences, enriches us, nourishes us. Experiences become painful or nourishment, with the way we look at it.
I am currently in one such phase and the more I ponder the more I realize that I have to walk my path, all by myself. There is no other to do that for you, and your only company is God. When He is there with you, then you feel the peace, you suddenly find relief in a pain you are going through. Currently I am trying to take these experiences of pain with love, thus letting go of all fear based thoughts, conditionings and feelings.
Letting the inner Love shine through me as much.
Even though I like to be a shining beam of love all the time, years of conditioning and ego takes me away from this central theme. Hence I have appointed one part me to keep reminding this to me that I have to Let go of Fear based thoughts and let only God’s Love in. Whenever that part is conscious I am progressing and letting go more and more so as to welcome the New.
I always love using this analogy for God since I began my inner journey and started finding the connection with Him through my inner Self. It is that He is like “the Powerful Friend” that Bruce Wayne has to get things done. Transforming to your true Batman Self and letting go of the egoist wants, needs and other fears will bring peace, harmony, love and joy in life.
Even though I feel this part of me coming forward many times, it is really difficult to be Batman all the time. Meditation, Quieting my mind and other tools like “Remembering and Offering” helps me.
Sometimes grounding meditation – like being a tree which is growing all the way up for light and having deep nourished roots on Mother earth helps me clear fear based energies. Sometimes being washed with pure light. Catching the thoughts and not letting thoughts take you rather guiding the thoughs consciously helps.
Ofcourse I am not a beaming light radiating with Love all the time (though I wish) it is a constant process. Here Remembering and offering helps a lot.
I associate with some objects and that reminds me to go inward and offering all the unwanted energy, thoughts or fears to God or the Divine Mother or Gaia during the grounding meditation.
I am sure this or similar thing has happened to almost all of us – we would keep looking for a lost item over and over in all possible places thinking we would find it. Then we would move on thinking it is lost and from nowhere this would appear.
This is the closest example I can come with for portraying Letting go & Letting God. By completely stepping aside our ego self and letting our true inner self take actions that brings harmony and peace.
I feel blessed for those times I am able to let go of “my” needs, wants, desires and Let God. During all other times, I offer that egoist self of mine also to God or Universe so that it is transformed.
Ending the note wishing that all our super hero selves come forward and bring more light for the world.